Broken Glass

The first week we were in Armenia Jonelle accidently broke a plate, I
thought, "no big deal it is a common pattern we can replace it."
The second week, she broke a china cup, and to that I said, "now that
is going to be a little harder to find." That same week I broke a
glass of which we had a bunch of and I said, "we have a lot no one
will miss it."
The third week, she broke a mug, and I said, "I didn't really like
the pattern or style, no big deal." Then she broke the saucer to the
china cup, to which I said, "Well now they are even again." Peter
broke a shot glass, and I said, "Now what was the Peter doing with a
shot glass?"
The fourth week Jonelle broke another plate different pattern of
course, and I just shrugged my shoulders, and then I broke another
china cup, and although no one saw, they are uneven now. Jonelle then
proceeded to break a ice cream bowl, and a coffee cup, I said nothing.
The fifth week Judi broke a coffee cup (she said it was the boys
fault) and then she dropped a jar of strawberry jam, Jonelle said
"couldn't you have dropped the rose hip jam?" Later that day I
dropped a jar of natural juice mix in the same spot, to which Vram
said "we can save it, quick get a strainer!" Jonelle then moved the
dresser away from the wall which cause the mirror that was neither
attached to the dresser nor nailed to the wall to fall and break both
mirror and frame! I shouldn't of said anything but what ever I did say
wasn't very helpful. Later that day the boys were fighting over using
the computer and attempting to get Frank out of the way Peter decided
to push the whole table over! Fortunately the laptop did not break,
but one of the two glass inserts from the table did, to this our
friend Gohar said, "You just need to break one more thing today to
stop the cycle." Jonelle obliged her by breaking a tea cup in serving
her tea that night.
I'm publishing this now because either the cycle stops, or we will be
out of dishes soon. If Serop's wife only knew...

Mexican Food

This may look like black beans, rice, salsa, chips and a Corona....
...but really it tasted like dolma and vodka.
No really it wasn't Corona, not even close. We were so disappointed!
The chips...fried lavash! Really the whole thing was pretty bad.
Mexican food is going to be harder than we thought.

Pride Comes Before The Fall

Monday night we were scheduled to have Sam (remember soorj-mart
(coffee-man) and his family over for dinner. We met his family on our
first offical night in Yerevan at Judi's birthday party in Nork but I
was sick and jet-lagged and really wasn't positioned to talk with
Sam's wife, Angel, at all. Judi enjoyed playing with their two
daughters Serpoohi-6 1/2, and Susie, 4 1/2, and we loved seeing their
new Zweekner (twins) Allen and Ellen who were 3 months old at the
time. But that was more than a month ago and we really needed to have
them over...Kalem called Sam Monday at noon to confirm dinner and the
time...5pm was decided upon (note: I was so excited by the early time
since things usually don't start too early and it always means a long
night). I was in the kitchen working my magic, CornFlake Chicken (A
few notes on CornFlake Chicken(let me know if you want the
recipe : )...Greg Haroutunian introduced this delacy to me in the
early 90's for a church function...easy, fun and truly you cannot
screw this up. I had tried my CornFlake chicken with our family in
Nork and with our new beloved friend, Gohar (not MRS. SEROB : )) from
the Habitat office. Both groups had never had this crazy chicken
before but seemed to like it very well (even though I usually get
chided for not putting enough Salt...I need to devote an entire blog
to SALT in Armenia!!! But this time I would not be chided for not
enough salt, for this time I not only put salt but I also put a VERY
GENEROUS portion of CHAMAN (for those of you Hyes who know chaman it
is NOT the red, soft, granular paste that blankets basterma, but
actually the dry spice of chaman which is actually yellowish in hue).
Sorry to be pedantic but the details are necessary)...SO CornFlake
Chicken , Gananch Loubi with Dzu (ginormous long, wide, green beans
with scrambled egg, Pilaf, Cabbage salad and the coup de
etat...chocolate chip cookies for dessert (really Nestle chips &
baking powder even though there is still no brown sugar...) PRIDE.
My meal was perfectly set to be hot and ready by 5:30pm (leaving the
customary...Hello! we're Armenian and we NEVER get ANYWHERE on TIME
cushion). The house was clean, Peter and Frank were taking a late
nap, Judi was pleasantly sitting at the computer, as the clock struck
5pm. Then we waited. 5:15, 5:30, 5:45...NOTHING. Now to my awesome
American friends who show up at 5pm when they are invited somewhere at
5pm or to Mark & Julie Fagundes who would probably show up at 4:45pm
and wait in their car in the drive-way!!! For you this is craziness,
but for (some) in Hayastan this is NORRMALL! At 5:50pm, I, Jonelle,
the loving, patient, demure, soft-spoken, and lest I forget,
SUBMISSIVE!!!!!! wife demanded that Kalem call Sam and see if they
were dead, super late or just not coming. Of course, the conversation
went like so, "Sam-jan gallees es?" "Ha, Kalem-jan gallees em!".
Translation, "Sam are you coming. Yeah Kalem I'm coming!" Now I know
I just might have been a little cranky but the operative question for
me would have been WHEN? When are you coming?...women, we are so
punctilious! 6, 6:15, 6:30pm..."KALEM, PLEASE call Sam and find out
WHEN they are coming PLLEEESSE!!!!!" Phone call #2, "Sam-jan gallees
es?" "Ha, Kalem-jan gallees em!". If I hadn't cut all my hair off
(yet another blog) I would have PULLED it all out after that! So our
peaceful and prepared meal of perfection had slowly become a cold
gelatinous and over-cooked mess. Our peace was replaced with chaos as
Frank and Peter were roused from, what had turned into, deep REM
sleep, whines, whimpers, and cries for Daddy to hold them and all
manner of craziness in volumes which only we can produce in the echo-
chamber in which we dwell. Next, Kalem's phone rings and it is Sam
and his family...they are ACTUALLY at our house and only 2 HOURS after
they said they would be there, oh and one more side note, Sam brought
his Dad and Mom too!! Pleased be advised that I am TRULY an advocate
of THE MORE THE MERRIER philosophy and USUALLY I prepare more food
than anyone can ever eat (baring Peter's baptism lunch and Frank's 1st
birthday...may we never speak of these again....) But you have to
understand in ARMENIA the Chicken are actually naturally fed and they
don't have hormones so they are 1/3 of the size of our botoxed birds.
The chicken would feed us nicely but two more adults and again I was
hanging on the precipice of being inhospitable this time by LACK OF
FOOD!!! As the group made their way up I sprang to the kitchen to
whip up some pasta for the kids. I was working the boiling water and
Peter crying, Kalem had Frank-O and was welcoming the guests and
getting them settled. From there we made a steady descent into the
worst night of entertaining I have every produced in TWO COUNTRIES!!!
We were trying to eat, I was up and down with the food, the crying
boys, and the extra plates. Judi bonded again instantaneously with
the girls and the mayhem continued up and down the stairs, yelling,
running, slamming doors, INSANITY, and then Peter and Frank joined
into the mix. At one point the kids were in the breezeway between the
apartments jumping down from ledge making thunderous sounds. Yep,
Mrs. Serob came out to investiage and chide. I just wanted to crawl
upstairs and hide. There were few moments of good conversation and
peace and then the chocolate chip cookies...flat and anham (tasteless)
except when you got to the chocolate. The evening only lasted 2 hours
but it seemed like an eternity. Our guests departed vowing to have us
to their home for kufta...we closed the door. We got the kids to bed
after they were instructed, lectured, chided, punished, prayed for and
loved good-night. I came down to the table. I slumped into my chair,
disheveled, distraught, and throughly disappointed. I had barely
eaten in the confusion and much to my shock there was actually food
left over. I took a piece of cold lifeless CornFlake Chicken in my
hands hoping to find a morsel of comfort. Once I swallowed I looked
at Kalem in utter disbelief, "This tastes HORRIBLE!" His response, "I
KNOW!!" God is so precious how He puts us in our place, how He shows
us that we are not "ALL-THAT" and how in our defeat He shows us His
love and HIS HUMOR!! Mental note: DON'T EVER PUT CHAMAN ON YOUR
CORNFLAKE CHICKEN!!!
Jonelle (aka Mariam Stewartyan)

Me Ara

May of you have asked how the kids Armenian is progressing, well let
me tell you. Judi, aka "Voch" (No), Peter aka "Che Garalee" (can't),
and Frank aka "Me Ara" (don't), are learning just fine. Collectively
they have picked up the majority of the words spoken at the
kindergarden. Which are those mentioned above, in addition to
"che" (no), "em-na" (mine), "ee-ah" (mimicking the sound of a donkey,
you get the idea), and the there is the famous "ts" (kind of like
tisk, or a polite way to say ee-ah, or a stronger way to say no). The
other day Frank, arrived when he had his first complete fight with a
classmate completely in Armenian! It was hard not to smile when the
teachers explained that Frank had said, "Voch, em-na, voch, em-na" as
I cared more about him learning and using Armenian than the poor
sharing skills at this time. And so it has been around the house with
"Me ara" here and "che garalee" there and every where "Voch, voch,
voch!"

Round 4

As most of you know I LOVE COOKING! Any chance I can get in the
kitchen and try a new dish or make a "Jonelle Concoction" and I am
happy. Last week we had invited our new friend Mairel Howsepian
Rodriguez over for dinner (she is a wonderful 28 year old wife,
teacher, writer, and coolest person ever since SHE BROUGHT US Baking
Powder & CHOCOLATE CHIPS in her carry-on!!!!!!) She was here for a
whirlwind-Easter-Week-historical-sightseeing-meet the Armenian
Relatives she had never met before-writing research-extravaganza
week. We were blessed to meet her (Al & Barbara Howsepian's
niece...and as you would all expect YES she to is BRILLIANT!) I
digress. She was set to come over for dinner and we were waiting her
call so Kalem could pick her up from her flat. At 5:45pm Kalem came
in with the few final touches I needed for my meal and with him he
brought our cousin, by marriage, Sam! Some of you know and love Sam
and met him in Fresno some 9 years ago when he visited lived on the
ranch with Mom & Dad Kazarian for a week or so. Sam is hysterical!
He speaks English with a "Sam" flare that you really have to hear to
appreciate! I greeted Sam with a hug and kiss and asked him, "Sam,
soorj oozoom es?" Do you want coffee? For those of you who know Sam
that is like asking would you like to breathe or would you like your
heart to continue beating (now that I think about it, the coffee is
PROBABLY THE reason his heart KEEPS beating...remember the frogs in
10th grade biology?) Alas, in the midst of my dinner prep I stopped
to make soorj. Sam and Kalem sat outside and I set out the coffee and
the confet (candy). Another side note...a good Armenian wife needs to
be ready at a moments notice to prepare soorj and have some simple
treats when guests drop in...I was baptized into this one afternoon
and learned quickly. I felt like I was a pro at the drop-in-soorj-and-
confet-gig. But I had NEVER had someone drop in at 6PM!!!! In my
country that is called DINNER TIME! Nonetheless, I made the coffee
and then washed the Jazveh (coffee pot which is a metal 'mug' with a
wooden handle affixed to the side! I needed the Jazveh because I was
creating a tremendous new dessert for my guest! I needed the Jazveh
to melt some chocolate for these tiny tartlets (let me know if you
want the recipe!) I no sooner got the Kisses into the pot when Judi
comes in (out of breath in Judi style...very dramatically) and says,
"Serob and his wife are outside to visit too. They need coffee!" OH
MAN!!! Now look at the mess I'm in...I have no Jazveh, no other small
pot (believe me there is a dearth of pottage here (DEANNA!!!!) so I
have to scramble since my arch nemesis is outside waiting for her
soorj. One more thing. In Armenia a woman's whole worth is judged in
the split second her coffee reaches another woman's lips! I sent Jude
back out to ask if they like it dar (no sugar), sorvoragan (medium
sweet), or karxer (sweet). She reported that they wanted it
"Norrmall" (medium sweet). I just had to get the melted chocolate
into these blasted little tartlets and Kisses DO NOT MELT WELL!!!! Be
Warned! I tried to apply the hardening chocolate as fast as I could
and get the Jazveh washed. I finally got the pot cleaned, the coffee
dust in, and the perfect amount of sugar in (Iron Chef I laugh at
you...you don't know pressure until you've been in my gosheegs!) I no
sooner set the Jazveh on the stove when Kalem came in and stated, "She
beat you to it!" "WHAT?" "She beat you to it, she already made the
coffee so don't worry about it." DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT are YOU KIDDING
ME?????? This was akin to a Frenchman slapping me across the face
with his thin leather glove! Oh, no lady. I don't go down that
easy! I pulled out all the stops. I plattered olives, cheese, and
salami and sent Judi out with the dish. I started heaping Mock Kehyma
on another dish and sent that out too. I arranged 3 different types
of bread and even sent out my melted cheese & green onion tartlets
(same shell appetizer filling!) that I made for our guest MAIREL!!! I
dared not go out there, I am scrappy but I am still a wimp! Kalem
said when Mrs. Serob saw all that I had prepared, "she was
speechless...her mouth just hung open!" YES!!! I may be a new
Armenian Lightweight but I can hold my own in the kitchen! Score:
Mrs. Serob 2-- Jonelle 2 1/2!!!! : )

Resurrection Cookies

This is a great way to worship on Holy Saturday.

Blessings of the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior 

JESUS CHRIST!

1 c whole pecans  1 t vinegar  3 egg whites  pinch salt  1 c sugar     Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. (this in important - don't wait until you are halfway done with the recipe!)  Place pecans in a zipper bag and let children beat them with a wooden spoon to break into small pieces.  Explain that after Jesus was arrested  he was beaten by the Roman soldiers.     Read John 19:1-3     Let each child smell the vinegar.  Put 1 vinegar into mixing bowl. Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross he was given vinegar to drink.     Read John 19:28-30.     Add egg whites to vinegar.  Eggs represent life.  Explain that  Jesus gave His life to give us life.     Read John 10:10-11.     Sprinkle a little salt into each child's hand.  Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl.  Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus' followers, and the bitterness of our own sin.     Read Luke 23:27.     So far the ingredients are not very appetizing.  Add 1 sugar. Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loves us He wants us to know and belong to Him.     Read Ps. 34:8 and John 3:16.     Beat with a mixer on high speed for 12 to 15 minutes until stiff peaks are formed.  Explain that the color white represents the purity in God's eyes of those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus.     Read Isa.1:18 and John 3:1-3     Fold in broken nuts.  Drop by teaspoons onto wax paper covered cookie sheet.  Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus' body was laid.     Read Matt. 27:57-60.     Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn the oven OFF. Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door.Explain that Jesus' tomb was sealed.     Read Matt. 27:65-66.     GO TO BED! Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight. Jesus' followers were in despair when the tomb was sealed.      Read John 16:20 and 22.     On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie. Notice the cracked surface and take a bite. The cookies are hollow!  On the first Easter Jesus' followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty.     Read Matt. 28:1-9.     HE HAS RISEN!

The Phone Call

So we have our Fresno phone which anyone can call using our local
Fresno phone number and we have a house phone that is the local
Armenian phone. Mostly when this phone rings it is Kalem calling me
from our relative Roseanna's house and so I usually answer with the
typical, "AahLow". I try to banter on with him as much as I can in
Armenian and then just move into English when my SPANISH fails me!
BUT sometimes this phone rings and it IS NOT KALEM. These times are
usually hysterical for me and very frustrating for the person on the
other line. I start off with, "AahLow" and then when they say who it
is and whom they want I usually respond with, "Yes, Jonelle Em" (I am
Jonelle). They go off for a while in Armenian and I try to catch
every ninth word. I usually respond with, "YES, JONELLE EM!" They
try yet again thinking if they continue to talk with even more
difficult Armenian vocabulary that I will miraculously understand and
answer their pressing questions. I respond with, "Yes Chem
Haskanoom" (I don't underunderstand). They mutter something which
must be a blessing, I'm SURE! and then hang up. This happened quite a
few times before Kalem taught me the phrase, "Scala Hamar" (Wrong
Number) but I still would get call backs. This one guy tried three
times and finally I just said, "I'm an American named Jonelle and I
really DON'T understand a word you are saying!" He Hung Up on Me! So
the other day a woman called and she started talking. I listened
waiting for a break to insert "Scala Hamar" but to my SURPRISE she
said Kalem's name and a few other words that I UNDERSTOOD!!!! I was
very excited in fact I understood that it was the woman from Star
SUPERMARKET calling about Kalem's "Club Card" (the ones that take only
TWO MONTHS to process). She was wanting his American AND Armenia
Passports, his Social Security Number, and I think she said something
about his blood type too; not so sure on this point. I actually
responded to her in good enough Armenian that she confirmed what I
said to her!!! (I felt a wee bit like Bart Simpson in the episode
where he was the "foreign exchange student" to France...I need'nt say
more...for those who know KNOW and those who don't...well...). I felt
really good about that phone call soooooooooo, two days ago the phone
rang at 11:30am; thinking it was Kalem I answered with my best
Armenian-Man-Deep-Coffee-Cigarette-AahLooow" unfortunately it was NOT
Kalem but a woman who was looking for Serob. I again understood and
was trying to let her know that this was not his number. She sounded
like she really needed to talk to him and since I was feeling
confident I told her, "Me Rope" (One minute) and I set down the phone
(remember it is plugged into the wall...not cordless), opened the door
and ran up the stairs to Serob's door. I knocked and waited but their
was no sound. I made my way down the stairs when I heard the door
open and Mrs. Serob call out in a most annoyed way, "Inch
Ah?" (Basically what do you want?" I ran back up the stairs to see
Mrs. Serob in her jammies and bathrobe (like she just got out of bed!
oh I love this country....I just wish someone in my house would let me
sleep until 11:30am!) Needless to say she did not look pleased and
you already know of my fear and trepidation when it comes to her! I
told her in Armenian that a woman wanted to talk with Serob. She
asked me Who the woman was. I told her sheepishly that I didn't
know...the annoyed look intensified. But as I motioned her to come
down to our place she reluctantly agreed but asked me two more times
who was on the phone (did she think it would somehow come to me
because she was using Armenian Annoyance Torture on me?) So here is
Mrs. Serob in our apartment talking on the phone with the mystery
woman and I was pleased to say that her annoyance was not only
reserved for ME! She talked for 6 minutes in her bed clothes in our
apartment with the door open and me standing next to her (I am not
sure why I did this?). When she finally hung up she ranted about how
the woman was crazy and she wouldn't call again. Mrs. Serob walked
out the door and was half way up the stairs when I yelled,
"Shnoragalootoon" (Thank You!) She stuttered a half step turned her
head only a fraction but WITH A SMILE she replied, "Shnoragalootoon"
TO ME!!! Score: Mrs. Serob 2- Jonelle 1 1/2