Tuesday, September 16, 2008

When Mommy is Sick!!!

Now you might be wondering WHY ON EARTH would I, Jonelle, let that absolutely HORRID picture of my sick self be sent out for all of cyberspace to view...well, I guess I can only liken it to having a baby!  I am an extremely modest person, BUT when in the throws of labor it seems that little matters in the area of modesty.  Let me expl
ain what I mean.  I was on my death bed as you recall and Kalem was working at the neighbors house.  I was trying to do homeschool with Judi, Peter & Frankie, on our King-Size mattress (praise GOD for the container FINALLY arriving!!) whilst under the covers laying flat on my back.  It was actually working...for an hour or so but then it got to be lunch time.  I sent Judi into the kitchen with these instructions, "Jude, get the peanut butter, honey, and bread and make sandwiches for you and the boys."  Seemed simple and straightforward enough...A few minutes later Judi came into our bedroom announcing, "Mommy, Tsoeegk is here and she wants to ask you something."  Again giving seemingly simple instructions, I replied, "Oh, Jude can you please tell her Mommy is sick and see if you or Daddy can answer her question."  APPARENTLY NOT!  Within moments Tsoeegk was standing at the foot of my bed, BUT NOT ONLY TSOEEGK...NO it was Tsoeegk, Aysa, Shoosh
anigk, Nellie, Vart, and two or three smaller size children all standing around my bed, staring at me!  Oh, the horror!!  I don't even want to look at me when I am sick let alone all these village women!  I wanted to die from stomach pain before but now I wanted to die of sheer and utter mortification.  There they were hashing over the story of why I was sick and all chiming in on what THEY thought the REAL reason was and what remedies I should pursue forthwith.  I was trying to explain to them that in America mostly we just want to be left alone when we aren't feeling well.  They assured me THAT WAS NOT how they were.  (So I had to put the picture in...I wish I had one of THEM looking at me...NOW THAT would have been priceless.)  They wanted to"HELP" (The 70's Alan Alda & Margo Thomas' LP FREE TO BE YOU AND ME popped into my mind "Some kind of help is the kind of he
lp that helpings all about, and some kind of help is the kind of help WE ALL CAN DO WITHOUT!)  Just then Judi came in the room and I asked why on earth she let "these women" in my room (You know that is the BEST thing about people here NOT knowing English...I can say whatever I want and not have to sensor...but I digress), Judi just laughed which made the women laugh and I laughed but only out of embarrassment.  "It's not the watermelon!  said Aysa, "Gegham brought us the rest of your melon and told us you got sick eating it...we laughed the whole time we ate the rest!"  Oh, please I thought, but I replied, "Zer stomachneren oojhegh en, eemnas tweel eh." (your stomaches are strong and mine is weak.)  Next came the in home remedies (mind you EVERYONE is a DOCTOR HERE...or so they act)  I had already  tried the one method Kalem tired; the spoonful of fresh espresso ground coffee...I felt like I was suffocating...ever try to swallow a spoonful of powder?  
Try it...IT'S ABSOLUTELY AWEFUL (that's funny, like when you smell spoiled milk that is just horrendous, but then you want others to smell it too...) I was about 10 minutes past that attempt when the peanut gallery arrived.  The women fought among themselves as to whose concoction was the soundest, but since Aysa and her two daughters-in-law out numbered the rest they "won".  They insisted that I needed to take LEEMON TUTSEE...now I could figure out the lemon part but it was the TUTSEE I was afraid of.  A few more minutes which seemed like hours past and the whole crew marched off to get the mysterious wonder drug.  I was left with the lingering smell of cow in my room, which I might add is NOT helpful for a sour stomach.  Shooshanigk returned with a folded envelope of newsprint and presented Leemon Tutsee to me...it looked like large granulated sugar but it tasted like lemon flavored ACID.  I downed a spoonful and gagged on some water...she said I should be back to normal "quickly" but if in an hour I wasn't better to take another spoonful.  I don't 
know if the coffee grounds and the acid didn't agree with each other or if the LEEMON was doing the WATUTSEE in my stomach...all I knew is that helpful visit from the women of Lusahgbyur made me want to die...in EVERY sense and there was NO WAY I was going to have one more spoonful of ANYTHING from those DOCTORS.  And as I lay in my bed reeling from the day's events my sweet angels made their lunch..alas it was NOT PB & J, not it was GRATED CARROTS WITH SUGAR POURED ON TOP (on top of the carrots, the table, the floor.  But my mommy says, "Some days are like this, even in ARMENIA."  Jonelle ;)


Kenj said...

Oh, you poor girl!

Carrots + sugar = YUM!

Blech :)

heather said...

You are too funny! And a great story teller. I am happy to hear you will be back in town soon. Have a safe trip.